The next morning I felt like I had been ****d with a wire brush. Going to the toilet was excruciating. I knew I had to see a doctor but didn't know ...hat to tell him. I read up in some medical book we had at home and found that one could have problems after prolonged cycling on a hard saddle, so that's what I told the doctor. He mumbled something like "Hmmm, ja, right, well..." He put on a latex glove, took some lube and examined me. The fact that he wasn't very ginger gave away that he. The mostdifficult bit was applying eyeliner; it smudged and ran, but Chrissypersevered - if not a little bit frustrated. "Right, flicks - do you wantany?" she enquired. "... Sure," he responded, uncertainly: he didn't havea clue what she was talking about. "Like Amy Winehouse - bits that flickout from your eye..." she explained, still deep in concentration "wellyou're having them now, too late. In fact with the wig, that's kind ofthe look we're going to go for: a bit rock-chick but a bit retro. More

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