"Right stay, where are you, I'll come straight there?" I'm sorry," I said, knowing it was hopelessly inadequate and kissed her tenderly."I'll phone yo...." Okay, promise?" I promise." Okay, I'll wait."I found Jill in the bar, sitting by herself at the end of the bar and nursing a large gin and tonic."Where is she, Jill?" Sit down Tommy, please darling."She ordered me a large vodka and held my hand as she told me about it."You know why we took the "E" Tommy don't you?"And I nodded my head in. The only difference is that I didn't hide it from anybody.My ego was completely shattered. I felt emotionally naked, but Iaccepted it as my penance for disappointing Cynthia and ruining myengagement. I existed.What everyone saw was what I was. I just couldn't be bothered to hideanymore. I still missed Cynthia for some reason, and couldn't hate herfor what she did to me. I had really done it to myself. If I was honestwith myself, I still loved her. In a strange way, I internalized herhumiliation. More

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