He was the guy in Turkey that wrote me love letters and sent me music and jewelry and post cards of couples kissing. He was the first person who ever ...wakened my sexuality. I spent hours thinking about him when I was 21. I never got to see him, the emails stopped. I could not remember if his parents had told him to stay away from me or if he had just tired of me. I went on to marry someone else as did he. I found him 10 years ago online, he was in the states he talked to me for a minute when I. It feels like somebody put you in a freezer and you think your heard stops for a moment. You dive up and start swimming as fast as possible, always toward the light. You swim for a while and start to wonder while the shore isn´t coming any closer. You look back, and can´t see the spot where you dove in anymore. It's too dark over there. You continue swimming, but the light does not come close. With every stroke, it goes one stroke away. You suddenly you feel true fear. That something you are. More

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