" So the student replies, "Then I definitely shit my pants."102. Wife : "I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten dollars an... the thick ones went for twenty dollars."Husband : "How about the ones like mine?"Wife : "Those they gave away."Husband : "I had a dream too...I dreamt they were auctioning off cunts. The pretty ones went for a thousand dollars, and the little tight ones went for two thousand."Wife : "And how much for the ones like mine?"Husband : "That's where. And it don’t matter who you are.If I’m doing my job, it’s your resolve that breaks.”-Blues Traveler, “Hook”Hey, hon, how’re you doing tonight? I’m Sue. What can I get for ya?Sorry, that’s a reflex from dropping out of school at 16 to begin waitressing and being stuck in the same all-night greasy spoon for twelve years. I know the term for it these days is “service industry,” but fuck ‘em: It was a shitty highway diner and my ass is hard enough to deflect bullets from getting pinched and slapped. More

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