I'd have to learn how to be myself, which was a weird thought. I wonder if I could practice somehow. Maybe go out to bars and see what it felt like to...'be myself', I guess.Ugh.Not long after I found out about masturbation, and then the internet, I discovered stories describing BDSM relationships, and it resonated somewhere deep inside of me. I wanted to be a dominant. I wanted control. But that inequality was so alien to how I was raised that I felt tremendous guilt about it and never told a. When I burst into the room my little brother was there asking my mother where I was but my arrival interrupted her answer. When she looked up to meet my eyes I knew that she knew what they had done. She had a sad tormented look on her face as she looked at me until her nose flared at the smell of blood and her eyes dropped to my blood soaked hand. "What have you done," she asked echoing my father. I wanted to hurt her like I her him but I didn't, she didn't help them in anyway except by doing. More

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