”As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer’s funeral, a voice from insidescreams: “I’m not dead, I’m not dead. Le... me out!”The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters, “Too late, mate, the paperwork’s already done.”I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.Or “foreplay” as she likes to call it.After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the missus were going to commit suicide together yesterday.Strangely. ‘Oh shit that’s so good…please, take my nipples…no, right here,’ she finished, and tried to get just a little pressure on one of them as she chased his lips by twisting her body, ‘Please, don’t tease me, I need you.’ Stacy froze when she heard what she said. It was true, but the timing really wasn’t the best. She saw Scott’s eyebrows climb, then his eyes found hers and he stopped what he was doing. She figured he was trying to work out a way to get away. No one wanted a needy girlfriend. . More

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