" No, the sad was all from me. The buds put me in a calmer place, so I can put up with how shitty my life is now. If I didn't have my knowing I'd be g...tting high to look forward to, I'd probably go on a permanent crying jag." Mama gets real depressed. Did you see how she looked this morning? By the time she gets home, it will be worse. She might be like that for two or three weeks, and she won't eat and can't take care of herself. When she gets that way, all of us worry." Why isn't she on some. "I wasn't so sure myself, my shyness had always been a major obstacle in my life, how I was going to cope with working in the soft porn industry only God alone knew. Nevertheless I decided that I would give it my best effort, Caroline had been so understanding and I felt that not to try would be to let her down in some way."I'll do my best," I said after a deep breath "only I hope my best will be good enough." I'm sure it will," Caroline laughed "and don't worry about being shy, if you can stay. More

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