I fell into a funk - wondering what was wrong with me. I began to drink heavily. I started frequenting the strip clubs again, and though I was inter...sted in the girls, I wasn't getting aroused sexually. One night, as I sat watching a lesbian porno flick on my VCR, a light clicked on. I realized that I watched girls with envy, not with lust. I started to wonder what had happened during those two months that had left a trail of many tortuous years of cheap relationships, one-night stands,. We were simply devastated when we heard the news. Clare dropped the phone and screamed. I attempted to make sense of what a distraught Ray was trying to tell me. A hit and run driver had knocked Francesca down and she was in a coma. She had already lost the baby and the doctors had warned Ray that her condition was such that he should expect the worst. By the time Clare and I got to the hospital, she was already dead.The next few months were utter hell with anger, misery and despair ever. More

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