He got allupset and stood there wringing his hands. They honked again and heactually begged me not to make him tell them he wasn't allowed. Ipointed...out that it was his fault, for not requesting a firm answer fromme, and for not having his workload caught up. I made him blame himselfeven though, as usual, I was being unfair. He had to go out there andconfess that he was under my thumb, absolutely shaming himself and losingtheir respect, I'm sure. I ordered him not to make excuses but to. In the end, it all became too much, and I started just staying home and drinking. Plus, it was cheaper, especially when I started drinking the cheap stuff.I had gotten a crappy laborer job to pay the bills and as long as I turned up and didn't kill myself, they didn't care how drunk I was. I had started to take full advantage of that situation - it helped me forget. Way back when, I hadn't really thought my actions through other than just wanting to get away, hadn't even thought about money.. More

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