Can you do that, John?"When Jennifer said this to me, my heart sank and I nearly fainted. It wasas if the best thing that was starting to happen for m... was going to betaken away. My hopes of being on this team, of helping women and maybefinding some friends, everything seemed to be at risk.I knew that she wanted an answer right now, and I also knew that I feltbroken and exhausted, totally vulnerable and at risk myself for some kindof meltdown. I was holding on to this job for dear life and. My loss of definition was killing me inthe competitions so I quit competing about a month ago - till I can getmy weight back under control.Plus, I've packed on some weight in an embarrassing location! I used tohave these huge muscular pectorals on my chest but now each pec hasgotten covered up by a thick layer of fat. Each one is about the size ofa large cantaloupe and they hang down an inch or two on my chest. I waslooking at them in the mirror the other day as I was toweling myself offafter. More

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