Sleep did not come easily, he tossed, and he turned, then re-ran the film. Watching it once more was like some porn film badly shot, unbelievably it w...s May his own wife featuring, with this black stud, he watched it once then again and again, tears were in his eyes, he heard a faint cry, a bedhead rhythmically thumping the wall, the beat increasing to a frenzy, his wife`s voice calling yes, YES, Yessss. Then a groan and then silence. his mind in a blur wondered for a moment if this black stud. I could be facing another 30 years of impotence; with all the frustration, depression, disappointment and humiliation which accompanies the condition.I suppose it was that moment of startling clarity of how my future would be which was the genesis for my decision to end it all, although at the time I hadn't consciously contemplated suicide.An interlude of introspection.When did I lose my soul? When did those elements of my character, which make me who I am, begin to decay and disintegrate?A. More

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