My next crap could spell disaster.Went out last night and got really wasted.I woke up this morning next to a fat old bird who was snoring and farting ..... so, at least I got home OK.The wife's back on the warpath again.She was up for making a home video last night and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens airport."Nationality?" asks the immigration officer."German," she replies."Occupation?"No, just here for a few days."As. It had the desired effect and an enraged young man threw himself at her - throwing a punch that would have flattened her if it had got any where near its target. Instead she seized his arm and the surprised young man landed heavily on the floor, with his leg twisted underneath him, very badly broken by the fall - as Jessica had intended.The other man was soon in a similar state and both were screaming in pain.Jessica picked up a heavy-looking piece of wood that she had noticed, and been edging. More

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