Larry looked Mike in the eye and said, “I want you to listen to the words of a dying man. You are alive, but you aren’t living. It’s time for yo... to get your life together. The first thing you need to do is to get laid. I’m not talking about a hand job in some massage parlor. I’m talking balls to the wall fucking. Hire a woman if that is required, but get laid.”Mike glared at Larry, but didn’t say a word. The comment about hand jobs in a massage parlor struck a little too close to home. He also. Holly and I screwed up by talking when we should have been quiet and, as punishment, Mistress Gloria entered us into that night’s Beautiful Butts, I mean, Cutest Ass contest. No matter what you call it, all the other contestants were girls, and I still won. That is probably the most embarrassing thing to happen to me all summer. What I didn’t know until I was wheeled up on stage was that the winner got auctioned off for the evening to raise money for charity. I was doubled up inside this weird. More

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