You fill my thoughts and my heart hurts. I wish for a different outcome. Crazy thoughts shoot through my head, bouncing off memories of you. What if ...’d called sooner? I should have sent more little positive messages. I should have just asked permission to visit. If I had, you’d still be here, fighting. Then I wouldn’t have this huge ache inside. I recognize these thoughts as foolish, and I brush them aside. I focus on better, positive thoughts. On healthier imaginings. The other part of me. We met the following week, in a small pub, it was warm so we sat outside, it was a very quiet pub so we could talk away without fear of being overheard. She had arrived in a very expensive sports car, very well dressed, short skirt showing nicely shaped legs, and her breasts strained the buttons of her blouse. You could see her nipples clearly through the material. Very nice I thought. Not too large, but shapely. I bought us both a drink and we sat there just chatting idly. After a while. More

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