It was the first real family loss I'd ever experienced. I was devastated, and I realized for the first time what real honest pain actually felt like. ...t's different from the pain I feel from my condition." How is it different?" The specific pain of loss, rather than just a generalized feeling of despair. I ached for the loss of my mother, I've carried that pain with me for many years. It actually helps put my melancholia into perspective for me. I have carried guilty feelings from my mother's. More on that another time. But towards the end of that relationship, when we were already drifting apart, I started to get really friendly with a colleague. She didn't work in my office but in another branch about 50 miles away. We chatted on the phone several times a day, sometimes work-related and often not, and used to email each other constantly throughout the day. I was 19 and fairly inexperienced. I'd been with three girls before my girlfriend but they were all when I (and they) were too. More

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