God...”“Yeah.” He said quietly.“How long?”“How long what?”“How long have you been in love with me, Mattson?”He was silent for a long...time, not trusting himself to speak. She reached out and grabbed his arm with both hands, and shook him gently to try to get his attention.“I have to know, Mattson. I have to know.” She said it with some urgency, as a thought, merely the beginning of a concept, began to form deep in the recesses of her mind, a place of emotion and turmoil that roiled and tossed. ”“Oh.” It was a punch to the gut. I might not be here after the New Year.“I can’t not go. I promised them I’d come.”“I understand. I’ll miss you.”She stood on her toes and kissed me. I could taste the hazelnut on her tongue. “I feel like I’m always leaving you like this.” I felt a pang of guilt. I was going to do worse.After a few more kisses, we parted.The next day was Christmas Eve. Time for my customary coffee at Elena’s shop. I was now officially an addict.I watched people in the Farmer’s. More

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