I’d never showed her anything but gentleness and affection. I was terrified and my heart hammered in my chest. What if she hated me afterwards? What...if she loved it? What if it made her see me like her tormentors before me, like Cheryl had when we made love? I forced air into my chest, fighting desperately in the clutches of a panic attack and willed it back down. I let Bad Matt out of his cage. Bad Matt didn’t have anxiety attacks and my breathing eased as I sank into that role.I pulled out. She used to work not very far from my office. I asked her one day, “Lets meet up?” She was like “Ahhh?? Why do you need to meet me?” and What will we do after we meet??” I was very shy at that time as it was her whether she would be interested in meeting up. I said, “I dont know what we will do but I would rather let the atmosphere around us decide how the things will turn out.” She said “ok.” But later she denied meeting up. After many “pleases” and persuasions she agreed. The idea was to let. More

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