The geezer that owns this fucking tenement! It’s his fault. See, he let me move in here and I don’t have to pay no rent, which is just as well sin...e I isn’t got any money. So the landlord comes round once a week and I give him a fuck–or sometimes a suck–instead of paying rent. So I figured that was okay. But now that I’m here, I’m trapped. Got no money to move out, you see. And he don’t want me to move out, neither, ugly as he is. Is he ugly! Fat and sweats a lot. Always got dog shit on his. I wonder if you can read the thoughts that are going through my mind. I smile thinking of the song the Scotsman and wishing I had a blue ribbon and the nerve to walk up and offer a kilt check. As my friend and I are leaving we hug as we say our goodbye and part ways. I walk back to my car with my bags of new rings and trinkets and art for my apartment. As I am placing my bags in the backseat of my car, humming along to music playing in the background, I hear a voice behind me. “Excuse me.” . More

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