I wanted control. But that inequality was so alien to how I was raised that I felt tremendous guilt about it and never told a soul about my desires. T...e guilt, however great, never stopped me from fantasizing. If I was going to turn over a new leaf, and try to be open and truly honest with my potential partners, I needed to acknowledge this part of me. Let it out, and learn how to engage it.Suddenly I realized what was so terrifying about being myself. I was petrified about letting the dominant. Just as she reaches out to have her wine glass refilled I press the button for full power again and leave it on. She starts wiggling like a small c***d that needs to go to the toilet – she grabs her hair over her head and looks at me with a certain stare that I have never seen in here before. Christine who passes her back her glass realizes that something is going on and ask her if she is ok?! With a smile and a rather squueckish voice she replies “YES thanks”. I switch it off as and put it. More

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