And I am ashamed again. I lied and I wish I could crawl into a hole and disappear. I am so sorry, so very, very sorry. When Mom had finished her story... I wrapped her in a hug that was not as big as the lump in my throat. I held her tighter than ever, suddenly afraid of losing her. I whispered ‘Mom, I understand and of course I forgive you. I am so sorry I hurt you. You are everything to me and all I could ever deserve. Thank you.’ After we had hashed it out, I felt better and life returned to. " These drugs are a little different than what you're used to dealing with. Once they're in his system, it won't matter." ... my life was coming apart at the seams. There's no nicer way to put it.My job at the CIA had become a joke, even among my staff. Since September 11th no one in power trusted much of anything that came out of the CIA. Moles and spies were a fond memory. There was even talk that the President planned to issue a directive eliminating my department.I couldn't muster up. More

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