And as soon as I could get my hands on that material, I got my hands on myself. My masturbation grew into rituals. Every time I bathed and without ex...eption, before I slept. Soon, I invented reasons to be alone, and anyplace, public or private; I would play with my developing body. It was only a matter of time before something happened, I see that now, but at the time my desires were too powerful and my young body- too demanding. It was a cool day in early march, the little league season. You stand and take a step back. I watch you, watch to see if you will do anything but you just stare at me, as if trying to see what I will do. So I try to crawl to my family, try to save them even though I know them to be dead. Crawling forward is hard, my wrist keeps giving out, but I manage to shuffle forward a about a foot, before you move in front of me. I think this is your way of telling me I’m not allowed to go to them, but I don’t care. I want to see them, I want to be with them, I. More

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