Nobody would gasp if they heard a fifteen- or sixteen-year-old had lost her virginity. The clock was ticking. I had a beautiful boyfriend when I was f...urteen, with whom I was thoroughly infatuated. Josh had dark blue eyes and long, curly brown hair, which was (prematurely!) streaked with silver. He hung out on the steps in front of our high school with other boys who smoked cigarettes and, occasionally, joints in the bushes. Both of our sets of parents were slowly but surely separating, and. Maybe I should be like all those other women out there, striving and straining to be as good as a man, not needing anyone. Do I give myself of free will? Or is it because I’m not good enough to stand on my own? I hate myself for these thoughts, for the need for approval, the need for reassurance. The constant testing of you, and myself. I haven’t worn any under things today. At all. A small tease, and well, today I’m scattered and unsure. I want to feel unfettered. Our lunch over, small glances. More

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