Thatis the weakness in our arrangement. What look had she given him?He admitted that he had been following her. He said that he wasfascinated by her... I told her to what to do, but it was me she ignored.There was a time, maybe forty years ago, when I would have let a man likethis take me to bed. He would need to prove his ardor with some giftsand a meal, but if he had done it that day, I would have let him take hismoment of joy. But it would only be a moment - one that he wouldremember for. But I tried to treat the situation as totally temporary, the height of denial. I was going to have to leave behind my girls, my loves, do it with my virginity intact.Linda was distraught about the idea of me going to war. Siza was very unhappy but in her own way she knew how to do denial just as well as I. She refused to let herself accept my leaving as anything but ordinary. It was like I was just going to be gone for a month or so.My grief was just piling up. There would no more fun, or. More

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