Marvin wasn’t asophisticated lover. In fact I’m still not sure if hereally knew what he was doing. I think much of whathappened was instin...t and nothing more. In the wild amale’s instinct to reproduce is strong, the only dif-ference between men and animals is that men usuallycan control their instincts with their intellect.Marvin had none of these inhibitions as he mounted melike a wild man and began to thrust into me like a crazedanimal, occasionally hitting me with his. There was a bridge over the river. I watched the water rushing past under the bridge and out to the sea. Someone had tried to rape me. A man was able to treat me like a piece of meat. Was that like me when I was Paul?I had never raped anyone in my life but I had done nothing to be proud about in my dealings with women. I knew that I would never get over my guilt as long as I lived. I had ruined too many lives for that. I saw that the only way of ridding myself of this torment was to end it. More

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