When that happens, everyone comes to watch in the cathedral. The priest, my other grandfather, gets up close and personal to make sure that the penis ...enetrates the vagina. It is also his job to make sure that the male leaves his deposit inside the young, virgin womb. Then two of his wives carry the newly fertilized woman into a place were they can keep an eye on her for the next two months. If they find that the woman is pregnant, they go to the priest and he passes the news onto the entire. "I had a few minutes to kill, so I figured I'd wish you a happy New Year." Right back atcha." Sheila there?" Yup." I turned to Sheila. "It's Jake." Jake?" she said. "Calling you three hours before he has to play in the Rose Bowl? He's insane," she smiled."Yes, I am," Jake, who obviously heard her, said into my ear. "Are you at your house?" Actually, no. An old classmate of mine invited us over for a Rose Bowl slash New Year's party. But this place is lousy with Illini fans, so you'd better kick. More

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