But I just - just couldn't admit it. You know that Paul was twenty years older than me, and that wasn't all. He was impotent most of the time, and whe... he did get excited, it was always so quick, as if my husband were glad to have the sex act over and done with. And I never knew quite how I-I felt about it. I grew up being taught that sex was evil, a dirty, animalistic thing that decent women couldn't possibly enjoy. And I suppose I simply accepted that as truth, even though I always seemed. You turn us on, Joseph. You never noticed the telltale signs: the lingering glances at your face and your crotch; the certain female odor; the adjustments Jordan makes to his trousers? You seem so aware; I'm surprised you didn't notice." I'm developing my awareness, its true. I am going through a process, like a monk studying and contemplating and meditating to gain enlightenment. In fact I see myself as a monk, but a lone monk, not even a rogue monk because, as far as I know, I am alone in my. More

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