And I feared why. Largely out of guilt–for I had long forgiven him for sending out the pictures of me that had been the proximate cause of all this�...�In fact I was grateful to him–I tried to be kind to Winston, to be sexy and willing. And there was, I admit, a certain perverse pleasure in knowing what was happening, in exposing myself to his camera, knowing that Brad would view the image. And hoping that he–Brad–might be jealous seeing me giving pleasure to my husband. I knew it could not go on.. We could barely go two days without one of us initiating sex. He was probably the closest that I or any of my girlfriends had found to the perfect boyfriend. But still, the idea left me conflicted. I had promised myself for years that I would not be one of those women who got married right out of college. I was going to work for a while, make my own way in life, and then, only after determining what I was going to do for the rest of my life as a vocation, would I settle down and have children.. More

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