The moment was quickly over however and I was left in a semi-stunned state. My pulse was going crazy and my body was reacting to smelling Sam's perfum... and shampoo. Luckily I'd decided to wear jeans and a t-shirt so my situation was hidden.Sam immediately went to the kitchen to say hi to Lauren and drop off her bottle of wine. I hadn't even noticed it before. What can I say? I was distracted. The next half an hour was a blur. The girls did as girls do and chatted away in the kitchen while. I’m so tired. My soul is drained, and there’s nothing left to give. Nothing left to bolster my spirits but sheer will alone. I have the undesirable ability to shut down emotions. I try not to flip that switch, because it can’t be turned back on. I will take so much punishment before I do it, because if there’s any chance, any tiny .000001% of a chance that it will get better, I want to hang on. I’m tenacious. I don’t know how to give up. I refuse to believe I can’t fix things no matter how bad. More

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