If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.- SocratesI was married by a judge. I should have asked...for a jury.- Groucho MarxMy wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.- Jimmy DuranteI have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.- Zsa Zsa GaborOnly Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.- Alex LevineMy luck is so bad that if. Several drinks. Many drinks.You walk in the front door. “Heya, gorgeous, I’m home.”Silence greets you.Oh, right. It’s a Wednesday, and Kathleen goes to her book club on Wednesdays. It’s really a drink wine and bitch club, but Kathleen enjoys it, so you don’t mind. Honestly, you’re not sure if there has ever been a single book read in the club.It’s up to you to make dinner so you can crash. You go to the kitchen to see what you have available.Huh. There’s a note on the counter. “Hiya, handsome!. More

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