When I was trying to decide if I should try to make another attempt to escape. Something about bringing the shine to a mirror finish made the solution...to a problem appear like it had been there all along. By the time I finished the first pair of shoes I knew what I was going to write to Alice and by the time I finished the second pair my answer to Trisha was written in my mind.Spit-shining my shoes also took my mind off of Ann. For one hour that evening I was able to empty my head of her.. I wanted tohit them, kick them, stab them, kill them and then it buried me. I realizedI was powerless. There was nothing I could do to them. They made it abundantlyclear that I did not have anything they really wanted, I was just a fuckingpiece of shit. I began to sob, not from physical pain. I came to think thatI was so worthless, I was not even worth killing. The sobbing continued andtears streamed down my face. I would do anything they wanted for them to justend their little game and I did. More

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