I’m not sure if you can understand what it feels like not to be able to live and love fully, when you’ve been living and loving to your heart’s ...ontent all your life. A rather large part of you is suddenly gone. At work and with my friends I was still happy, but there were times when I was alone when everything seemed less shiny, less colorful somehow. It’s as close to a depression I had ever come in my life. I shook it off kind of quickly, and the only lasting result of my temporary blues was. I would listen to the midnight radio show where the DJ answered call-in questions about sexuality. I even told one of the boys from that chemistry class that I spent time naked on the gently sloped roof outside my bedroom window looking at the misty covered forests beyond. Some nights I simply played soft jazz ballads and lay on my bed with my imagination and my own determined hands. Inside my head was a spinning wheel of men (and very few women) that would visit my dreams. I imagined adult. More

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