But since that time she pushed my hand away, her claim that she couldn’t give that kind of love to me was starting to seem more like she wouldn’t ...ive it. It felt like a choice she made, maybe not consciously, but a choice nonetheless. She was denying me. But then, I was aware too that I never came out and demanded that kind of obedience from her. I never demanded that she give me control over her. I couldn’t. Were I to demand it and she were to refuse, that would be it. I’d lose her, I’d lose. I rode the bike that morning, even though it was still a little chilly. the stretching and pull of the muscle while going up some of those nasty hills was my rehab for the day.I didn't ride the bike far and I did stop it now and then at the top of the nastiest hills to let the pain in my calf bleed off. I cursed myself and the world sitting on top of those hills. I could have turned around and gone back for the cruiser. It would have ended my agony, but giving up just wasn't part of my history.. More

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