"There was another reason I was so cruel to you. I couldn't bear the thought of having you find out how weak and despicable I really was. I was convin...ed you would leave me the moment you discovered my secret life. I believed that I had to protect that secret at all cost, so I built a wall around myself. It was a wall constructed of lies, deceit, anger, contempt and indifference. It was all unconscious, none of it was deliberate, but I now believe that I was trying to keep you at arms length so. Iguess he was all fucked out and decided to go home.Sarah was, obviously, stunned by what she found. Sheran up to me as I was tossing in a suitcase, my caralready almost full, and hysterically asked for anexplanation. Surprisingly, I was completely calm. Isimply told her that I knew what was happening and thatit was alright. I knew she didn’t need it by now, sinceher affair had been going on for many months, but Igave her my blessing.By now she was in tears and begged me not to leave, butI. More

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