Then I heard Judy softly walking into the room. The smell grew stronger. My head was buried in a hold in the table, so I couldn't see too much. Fortun...tely,there was a mirror placed so I could see some of Judy’s movements. She was holding a large bowl and waving a fan over its contents. “This is called incensing the body. It relaxes your muscles and prepares you for the rest of the massage.”Whatever was in that bowl, it was working on me. I was so relaxed I began to feel almost sleepy. I. Chris nevertook part in these sessions, but she was always there, outside, waiting,worrying and probably crying herself, if I know Chris.My fears were peeled away in layers, just like peeling an onion, andeach layer got more emotional than the last. The core of the problem wasthat I felt that I had let Peter down, but resting on that was thefeeling that I had let down Chris, the group, transgendered people,people in need and finally myself. The burden I was carrying, no, makethat the self. More

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