Buddhists believe that the ego isthe cause of all great suffering in the world. That it burns a hole inour hearts that can never be filled. The same h...d been true for me aswell: I'd spent my whole life focused on what I didn't have, what I'dbeen denied by the flip of a coin at birth. And even when I'd been givenwhat I wanted most, my life's dream of pure femininity, it still hadn'tbeen enough. I wanted more. I wanted perfection.I nearly lost my mind when I saw Bobbie attain what I'd struggled. She can smell the coffeeand see the chocolate, but not reach them, and itsclear that he isn?t going to let her have them. Eventually her anguish leadsher to sit with her back to the table, her eyes closed. She tries to shut themout. Finally, she grows calm. When he returns, he finds her like this, quietand still, cross-legged on the mattress with her back to him. ?Carrie.? he says softly. She opens her eyes, and half-turnsher head towards him.?Stand up, and come over here to the bars.? She does. More

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