I try to crawl, seeking fresh air out from under the heavy blankets, but they are holding me down, securing me in place. I try to calm myself, ...ry to stifle the panic in my mind, and it is like this I stay, unmoving and focussed on breathing gently enough to live, my limbs aching in their bondage. How long I don’t know, but I mange to dream a little. I see him watching TV below me. And then like some out of body experience, I see myself pinioned here, unable to flee, unable to resist,. And one day he asked can we both spend a day together??Though my inner self was shouting YES!! I need you! But I asked time to think about it. I sat peacefully and asked myself, what was I doing? Why was I betraying myself if I know I can never have him permanent? What if I couldn’t stop myself from going all the way?? Will it be all worth it? My family was looking for a good match for me…will I betray them? More than about anybody else! I myself wanted myself to be pure for the love of my. More

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