From then on, I was obsessed. I started looking up rape porn, I read stories of people who had been drugged and assaulted, I read up on various drugs ...sed, and I looked for ways to counter them so I could see it all again next week. I also started thinking of ways to pretend to eat it, or even to throw it up afterwards. It dragged by, but I was so excited. We did all the usual things, but all day I kept thinking about what I hoped to see after the others went to bed. But disaster struck -. My point is that trust isn't a 'totally on' or 'totally off' thing. It's got all sorts of nuances and shades of gray. -- I couldn't resist it, so I added, "Anyway, the whole idea of my being sexually attracted to Carol is ridiculous. Sure she's a lovely person with a great body. I'm aware of that. But it's impossible to get my memories out of my mind. I remember her at every mealtime when she was one or two years old, and the DISGUSTING messes she made all over her face, the high chair, and. More

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