The kids text me “plz” which is shorter than please. I text back “no” which is shorter than “yes.”I’m going to retire and live off of my...savings. Not sure what I’ll do the second week.Even duct tape can’t fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound!Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just gonna transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.This item is compliments of an Anonymous donor:A man was sitting on a blanket at. I’ll bet that the ladies all want you.’ ‘Some of them certainly do. However, I don’t plan on being single for long.’ ‘Why’s that?’ ‘I want to find a wife and settle down. What about you?’ ‘I’d love to get married myself. Sorry, that wasn’t too forward, was it?’ ‘Not for me. Here, in Norway, the custom is serial monogamy, you know. When you sleep with a woman, she’s your lady, until you stop sleeping with her.’ ‘So, when that happens, you jump into the sack with someone else, and she becomes. More

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