I wanted wild abandon. I wanted no more Claire. I wanted an a****l, a completely bestial, instinctual, reactive creature. I didn't want a challengi...g look and a calculating glance, and I still got those, unfortunately. I felt I needed to relax, and maybe let her relax a little. I asked Royal out for a smoke. We did so in the adjoining room and I left Bull with the a****l. Royal and I exchanged comments about Claire, and Royal seemed genuinely envious of the kind of woman that she. I enjoy the freedom to live how I want, date who I want, and battle my demons without anyone telling me how I should or should not behave.At least that’s what I told myself. Deep down I always feel kind of alone. Desperate to be independent, I fight against the “need” to have a father figure – fucked up though mine was. Deep down – and in my sex life – I am still that submissive little girl who will do whatever “daddy” tells her to. The hard-nosed business woman that most people see is nothing. More

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