How the fuck could anyone think of a forest as romantic? Maybe it’d be better in the day, but at night, it wasn’t much better than that jungle nig...tmare world of Fiona’s. Bugs buzzed around and made high pitched clicking noises. Distant rustling in the darkness she couldn’t see announced wandering animals, raccoons and birds and shit. It was cold and windy; didn’t bother a vampire, but still. A glance up showed the stars were mostly blotted out by trees, mostly pines, and another glance down. Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens airport.“Nationality?” asks the immigration officer.“German,” she replies.“Occupation?”“No, just here for a few days.”As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer’s funeral, a voice from insidescreams: “I’m not dead, I’m not dead. Let me out!”The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters, “Too late, mate, the paperwork’s already done.”I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last. More

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