I don't know how to describe how I feeldressed, there are so many different things going on. There's the guilt,of course. That's to be expected. But t...ere is this brief moment ofrelief, like I put down something super heavy I hadn't even realized Iwas carrying. I feel light, and free and ... So what do I do about that?*****Well, its the last day of the year, so I'll say goodbye, diary, untilnext year.Here's hoping its a better one.*****Happy new year, Diary!I decided I'm going to do more boy. I knew I was losing you. But I couldn’t possibly be what you wanted. I had to look at myself, be true to myself. I could not go against what I felt in my heart. Please, don't misunderstand. I’m not saying it is wrong for other women, it just wasn’t right for me. I thought many times, over many hours, about it. I asked myself, why couldn't I just do this? What was the big deal? What was wrong? Why could I not find a woman I liked and would be able to enjoy her? I even talked to other woman, read. More

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