For my last Javon fuck, I was most definitely on birth control.Riding back home in our little car seems like a new beginning in many ways. I don't kno... for sure what's ahead, but I feel like what I'm leaving behind for the moment gives me a whole new outlook on life and its possibilities. I can't help being amused at the way almost every black man I meet, or even that sees me seems to know there's something different about me. I get lots of smiles and meaningful looks. In days gone by that. Once that fact sank in, I started looking back to how our relationship had been. The more I thought about it, the more disgusted I became with myself. How could I have been so blind? I should have been able to figure it out. He was my best friend, and I couldn't see what I was doing to him. Him sharing a bed with me had to be torture. He was so intimate with me, but still so far away from the intimacy that he truly wanted. Every time he saw Gwen he was harshly reminded that I didn't feel about. More

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