When I was in my mid-twenties, I finally screwed up my courage enough tovisit gay bars. Perhaps, I thought, I could find comfort in the arms ofanother...man, even if my own body was wrong. I don't want to go intodetail about the half a dozen sexual encounters I had with men. Sufficeit to say it was not satisfying; that, and the fear of what discoverywould do to my career, caused me to shut away all dreams of intimacyforever.Everything changed the night I found the advertisement for the costumegun. We came down over the course of about a minute, unclenching our fingers from each other’s backs. I would have bruises tomorrow for sure. So would she. I wrapped her arms around her and tried to imagine her mind at that moment. I had admitted a serious fantasy, but for her to have also admitted it was an even bigger step. She had apparently accepted a seriously slutty proposition. We had just jumped ahead several steps in sexual experimentation. ‘Jess… that was about the hottest thing we’ve ever. More

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